I just talked to my sister who lives in Oklahoma City. I found out that they were caught in the tornadoes that hit htere the past couple of days. The big one that was there a couple of years ago killed my brother-in-law's grandparents. So, they can't come up to visit because they have no where to live. I'll never get to see them.

Needless to say, their house that they just moved into 2 weeks ago was completely leveled. They lost mostly everything. They didn't leave the house in time, so they were actually caught in the eye of the hurricane. My poor little baby nephews were in the van with them, when the windows were blasted out, and they were pelted with glass and debris. They watched their neighbors house as it was lifted off the ground, and then because of the broken gass lines, it burst into flames. My sister tried covering the kids with her body, the whole time thinking they were going up in it to die.

I'm crying as I'm typing this; I hate to think about how scared they were. My little nephew hunter is five and is trememdously traumatized from it. He'll remember that fear probally for the rest of his life. Chelsey and tristan were cut up pretty bad from the glass. I wish they didn't live there. My brother-in-law is never gonna move from OKC. Now, my sister joanne is only an hour or so away in Kansas, and my real mom is gonna move somewhere in between the two of them. So, I neverr see them coming to live here. Once again, I left behind and forgotten. I have my family and adopted family here, so I can't go anywhere. Times like these, I wish my real dad was alive. I can't talk to my parents (the ones that adopted me) about these things because it hurts their feelings. I feel so alone, like I have no base , no foundation, I'm just floating , Like I am the one in the middle of a tornadoe, spinning around with nothing to hold onto. My parents even though they love me still make me feel like they only love me if I'm good, and I'm who they want me to be. So conditional. My husband and his family makes me feel the same way. Hell, they don't even like me when I'm good. I just feel like my dad would comfort me and not judge me.

Some people try to make him out to be a bad guy.

some people make him about to be crazy, but he couldn't help it.

Some people say he had a bad attitude.

Some say he was sad.

Some people say he was just fuckin cool.

Some people say he was missunderstood.

A lot of people feel these ways about me.

I think I would probally be the only one that did understand him. I see me in him. But I guess I'll never know.

Maybe if he was alive I wouldn't like him at all, and I just make him out to be the super hero that he wasn't.

But I don't think so. I think we would get each other.

I think I'm gonna go smoke a bowl and listen to Nobody noticed it.

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