I have been crying becasue I just got this letter from my husband and I don;t know what to do.

I now understand what made you capable of "cheating" on the former Brandon Ta&^%$*, however I assure you I am not that same man. I've been humbled and yanked back to earth and reality..... and I've realized I'm long past due on living up to the promises I've made to you on our wedding day. The first of which is honor (or defend your honor as my wife as the case may be) which includes protecting you from the snakes of this world..... the likes of which is a crack addicted drug addict sloth, who has yet to prove his worth when he has the freedom to chose.... and can only "do well" in an institution where poeple like me have to tell them what to do every day! The kind of snakes who would take advantage of any volnerable situation that presents itself and yet act so loyal to me.... Me, the one who created, built, and fine tuned the "fight" in him, and me, who can just as easily take him apart again! I may have had my moments with him, but I was still the best friend he ever had growing up..... and I no matter what my mother, father or John said about him I always still treated him as a best friend. Why wasn't it yet a good time to tell me about what's been going on? Because there is NO good time to tell your friend you're betraying them, and in the midst of ruining their life, not to mention the consequences that will inevitalbly ensue when revealing such betrayal!!!!!!! Yes, I can understand what drove you to the point of betrayal, namely the same betrayal of someone whom you loved and trusted to protect and honor you, yet were abused, beaten, assaulted, and disgraced like yesturdays' garbage. Oh how I've learned from the school of hard knox (as I usually do before I change) and how I took your love/loyalty for granted. And even though I don't deserve it, I can only ask your forgiveness as I am now, NOT that same man I was...... I somehow know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will never physically harm you ever again (even though it may be too late). I also know that we're still married, and I can forgive your understandable betrayals (inevitable reactions of torment); I can also provide the protection and loyalty you've never gotten from me in the past, as I plan to demand a resolution for unsettled issues with my parents, grandparents, and any others I've let stomp on you for so long; or have nothing to do with them forever as long as we both shall live- YOU are my family now!!!! Maybe I did rush our marriage when you, or even I, wasn't ready for that type of commitment..... I think we both knew why we let it happen anyway.....(it was the social "norm" of the "right" thing to do). But as GOD as my witness I can atest to you that I am ready to commit to you whole heartedly 100%. Not because it's the "right" thing to do anymore, but more deeply in my own respect I've come to truely admire your patience and longsuffering with me, not only that, I've gotten to know you unlike any other person could have gotten to know you over the times (good and bad) that we've shared in each other's lives since age 15 (Cody will be this age in 9 short years). Over those shared experiences I developed a now sincere love for the person of Nichole and even though my spirt seemed be at odds with you, I actually enjoy the same things you do.....I like the fall months and the approaching holiday season, they give me the same childhood memories of Hagerstown life as we only both know. And 9 times out of 10 I see your point of view on things, and seceretly love you for thinking that way. I guess I'm finally ready to (re) marry you and treat you like a wife as good as you are (were) to me deserves to be treated..... and that is with the utmost of respect, love, honor, trust, loyalty and unselfishness I have to offer.... I've been really soul searching for the first time in my life over these past few days and been pleading with GOD to forgive me and make me a new person, and to heal our broken home and marriage...... Nichole I feel so different..... I don't even feel like the same man/person..... for the first time ever I have true feelings of defense for you in my heart....... I can no longer sit and watch me or anybody else hurt you......... your whole life has been ONE BIG HURT, and I almost talked myself into letting you go to just be hurt again......... Let me be your hope of a husband who will fulfill your life with happiness, I'm willing to be there for you like none other has ever been (including myself). I guess there comes a time in every person's life where they realize why they're here and what their potential was supposed to be..... and through trials of the past, and heartache of the present, I believe I have found my calling...... YOU!!!!!! And what you've never had....... please let me be that man..........

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