damn, I always seem to piss someone off, or offend them in some way. I hate that I do that, but then part of me feels like I shouldn't care because the same assholes, that are getting offended, don't have a problem with being rude to me.

I lay awake at night because my mind won't allow me to stop over analyzing situations. It makes me an overly obssessive freak, like some mad scientist that can't get a formula right. I hate that poeple give mixed messages, and signals. I hate that I can't read people's minds. Even strangers. I don't know why it bothers me-it shouldn't. I guess the paranoid part of me, allows other peoples thoughts to make me uneasy. It's not that their opinion matters to me, it's more like what are they gonna do because they have made some assumption that's probally wrong about me. One sentance or word, out of someone's mouth, said with a certain tone, and I'll spend hours picking it apart in my brain. You know what? I fuckin hate it! I don't like it. I want to do other things, and think pretty little happy thoughts, and I can't. It can interfere with my day because I can't focus. I'd go to a shrink, but I am afraid to see what they would say. :p whatever!

You know, I always complain in here about how I need to lose weight, and blah, blah... but one compliment to myself; I have really nice hair! I do nothing to deserve it either, because I oh so abuse it. I never thought It was anything special, but if I cut more than an inch off, all of my friends and family freak, and tell me, "I would die for your hair, don't you dare cut it!"

It's not too long, but long. (you won't see me on Maury anytime soon, getting 10 inches cut off!) It's really thick, and really soft. God, It feels so strange, being so vain! It can be irratating though. I wear it up alot, because I can't really stand it on my neck. But I would never cut it boy short again, because it's always nice to have for a night out.

i was gonna write more in this entrie, but I've already said to much, so maybe next time.

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JOHNNY RZEZNIK LYRICS

I'm Still Here

I am a question to the world,

Not an answer to be heard.

All a moment that's held in your arms.

And what do you think you'd ever say?

I don't listen anyway:

You ignore me,

And I'll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you'd understand?

I'm a boy, not a man.

You can take me and throw me away.

And how can you learn what's never shown?

Yeah, you stand here all alone.

They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

And I want a moment to be real,

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

And how can the world want me to change,

They're the ones that stay the same.

The don't know me,

'Cause I'm not here.

And you see the things they never see

All you wanted, I could be

Now you know me, and I'm not afraid

And I wanna tell you who I am

Can you help me be a man?

They can break me

As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

And how can the world want me to change,

They're the ones that stay the same.

They can't see me,

But I'm still here.

They can't tell me who to be,

'Cause I'm not what they see.

And the world is still sleepin',

While I keep on dreamin' for me.

And they'll want to just whispers,

And lies that I'll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

And how can the world want me to change,

They're the ones that stay the same.

I'm the one now,

'Cause I'm still here.

I'm the one,

'Cause I'm still here.

I'm still here.

I'm still here.

I'm still here.

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