I'm gonna sit here till I think of something to write. I can think of all kinds of things, but I can't pick one thing more significant enough.

One of my favorite things to do when I can't sleep or I have something on my mind is to get in my car or truck, and just go for a drive. I sing along with my favorite songs, smoke some cigarettes that I am not suppose to have, and just think...about everything..I did that today for an hour or so. It always makes me feel better about being alive.

It had to have helped because today I didn't eat like a hog. I've had an apple and some ramen noodles. Maybe that's what I'll do from now on, I'll just go for a drive instead of bingeing. Easier said than done I'm sure.

Right now I feel a little betrayed by people that I always thought were close to me, or at leastsome type of friend. I am not going into details because that can get boriing. It always sucks when you find out someone you really liked is really just an asshole. I can't help but notice a trend In relationships I have with people. Maybe I am just being overly paranoid again, or maybe I'm right...but how do I handle these situations? How do I make peace with it in my mind? I do so many hurtful things to myself, because I am so afraid to be alone. It doesn't seem to matter because I am alone anyways, just with more problems. The weird thing is, even though I am thinking about all of this hurtful betrayel, I am not upset and depressed about it. I feel totally calm and secure. I just wish I had a better filter, for choosing the people I have close to me. hmmm...

I really like Everlast. The things he says on his albums can be quite profound, sometimes you just have to look through the presentation of it. This is one of his most well known songs; but still good.

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Everlast Lyrics

"What It's Like"

We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change

The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange

He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes

Get a job you fuckin' slob's all he replied

CHORUS

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes

'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues

Then you really might know what it's like (X4)

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love

He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of

But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call

And she sweared god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls

And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors

They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

CHORUS

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes

'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose

Then you really might know what it's like (X4)

I've seen a rich man beg

I've seen a good man sin

I've seen a tough man cry

I've seen a loser win

And a sad man grin

I heard an honest man lie

I've seen the good side of bad

And the down side of up

And everything between

I licked the silver spoon

Drank from the golden cup

Smoked the finest green

I stroked daddies dimes at least a couple of times

Before I broke their heart

You know where it ends

Yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max

He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs

He liked to hang out late at night

Liked to get shit faced

And keep pace with thugs

Until late one night there was a big gun fight

Max lost his head

He pulled out his chrome .45

Talked some shit

And wound up dead

Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain

You know it crumbles that way

At least that's what they say when you play the game

CHORUS

God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news

'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose

Then you really might know what it's like (X4)To have to lose...

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