Why is it, that when you dont want to face the world at all, you are forced to do so? In order to be a functioning human being you have things you have to do-whether you hate it or not?

So your doing your duties-on your own vibe-swearing you just dont give a fuck-and then you turn around and theres the person, that for one reason or another-you dont want them to see you. Even if you want to see them-do you really want them to see you in your work clothes , your hair a mess-and your lips chapped!

or how about that girl from high school, that always acted like she was better than you-and there she is-standin pretty as a posie-and you look like you crawled through the pits of hell and have a ticket for your second trip back?

Why is that?

I guess I'll tell you about the smallest thing going on in my life-but probally the most exciting for the week:

I ran into Mike-the rock guy with the band-the one I went to see in Philly.

I've always thought Mike was really cool-I love his personality, and he's really nice. I never once thought he was hot-never once thought "god if I could just fuck his brains out"-not even after I watched him perform-and he was really good! Usually a girl can't resist a guy in a band no matter how ugly he is(and mikes not ugly) Look at Kid rock, or Wesley Scantlin from Puddle of Mudd? Or for godsakes-Fred drunst-who would think they were hot unless they were holding a guiter or a mic?Anyways-back to my point-I was staning in line getting my friend a soda at Arby's and turned around-there Mike was and for some reason like totally amazing. I wanted to die of embarressment, because I looked a mess. He always makes me a little uncomfortable anyways, because he always seems like he's psycho-analyzing me . Oh well, I'm trying to convince everyone-that I just don't give a fuck anyways-right? So there he is with his mom and his brother, and he sees me and says hey. We started talking about his band, and he told me that they are going to Louisville Kentucky to record their demo for the record company. Which is really cool. He said they didnt have the concert in Frederick because they guy that runs the club is an ass. They have been going to New York, and Philly to perform-the same cool place I watched them play. He said they want to have a show locally so everyone can come watch them.That would be fuckin cool. He asked me if I would like to be the road manager or something if they go on the road-I of course said yes without thinking of things like my kids-duh! I'm such an ass! We talked some more about the band and then he told me that they only fired scott-they didnt fire Louis- Try to imagine how hard it was for me not to freak out with enthusiam and just play it off cool- like I didnt care-Oh my god I really thought I was gonna blow my cover in front of Mike. Mike always seems to be trying to figure out in subtle ways if I still like Louis and I dont know why. For instance he said: We didnt fire Louis, he's a good guy-right? You think so right? I think hes worried that I'm gonna act weird or cause a situation if Im around him again. Or maybe Louis is worried Im mad at him, and said something to mike? I dunno, but it always makes me wonder-but damn Mike looked good.I just felt so stupid meeting his mother when I looked as bad as I did.

Work is more fun because my good friend's mom is working with me Vonnie-she's so cool-but thats another journal entrie. I really need to get friends my age instead of my mothers age.

Pam's going to be mad because her work party is tonight and I forget so I have to go to work, and I dont have a babysitter anyways. I dont really want to go , but even though Im not her biggest fan anymore I dont want ill feelings between us. of course she ahsnt called me either-I think shes mad at me and just not letting on. I dont know -its all confusing.

My paranoia is setting in again-I set up brenda's diary page(firebrdgrl.diaryland.com) and people I know are reading her page that has links to my diaries and Im worried people are going to see stuff of mine that could be incriminating. Oh well-i'm not changing it now.

Damn this is long-here's a song form Avril-because I have had plenty fo those damn cold nights

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