I've been up all night again-not doing a damn thing. I want to make this page really good. I hate working at night, because on my days off I'm up all night and I've tried everything. Then I feel like such a loser because I don't wanna do shit during the day except lay around and sleep. I guess I'm going to try and force myself to stay awake again. I'm not very good at that though. I need to stay awake, if anything to burn some calories. I've lost 20 pounds in a month and I want to lose a lot more. Next Saturday, the 26th, My friend's band will be performing again. I want to lose more weight before I go. 10 lbs at least would be great. I'm in luv with the one guitarist named louis. He is so beautiful. I feel like such a slut, because I'm married , and still all I can think about is fucking some other guy. I try to tell my self that I'm just thinking, and not doing, AND that my marriage has been shit since the day we got married. It doesn't make me feel much better about myself though. Of course, I can't seem to find anything anymore to make me feel better about myself. That's why I'm so obseesed with losing this wieght now, more than ever. That's all I have to measure my happiness, because my life seems to be stuck in some crazy blackhole, where time stands still until Im super thin again. My life has been on hold for five years now, I'm ready to move on. That is all I need to give me the strenght and the power to change all the other crazies in my life. I'm sure this is just rambling bullshit. next -- previous DISCLAIMER