after the week I had all I wanted was some quiet time alone with *****, it was like his only night off, and I got stood up for a poker game. Normally I wouldn't care, I like having a guy that has his own friends and isnt always up my ass. Plus some of the other guy's girls were there, why couldn't I have been invited along? He always acts like I can't be around his friends or something. I drove out to tiffy's house after I had a breakdown at the gas station and Josie gave me two xanax. I then went home by myself. (thank god the dickhead was asleep) and I thought about the ++++, and *****, and I cried and cried till I fell asleep. I felt like I've dealt with the loss all by myself. He doesn't want to talk about it or deal with it. I was all alone that night, and I've been all alone ever since. I think he resents me for it and doesnt want to admit it.

I wish I could just stay away so I wouldnt have to think about it or deal with it. he just stays away so he has the luxury of pretending. I dont want to pretend and I don't want to forget.

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