Despite my lousy mood, I have been doing a good job of seeming happy, gracious, and optimistic. Normally i wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm slowly learning the importance of fakin it, till your makin it. People can control you less if they don't know your thoughts (Duh! I always knew this, just was never very good at controling my mouth.)

I have been doing awesome at work. It's been slow because of the weather but I've tried to stay being optimistic. I even done more than my part, and have worked at becoming better. Any one that knows me, knows that that attitude is SO NOT ME! Hopefully it will pay off. But its not uncommon for my life efforts to be futile.

Even though money has been tight, I have felt very generous lately, even with favors and my time.

With my birthday coming up (i'm dreading the whole turnin twenty four thhing), I have started to notice that I'm maturing in sickening ways. i'm becoming so old! Like I don't see myself as being any different in mind frame than I was when I was 17, but I am slowly noticing how I look to other people.And it's not as a silly little seventeen year old girl anymore. As much as I hate to be a boring adult, I would look stupid acting any other way. I don't want to be "Auntie". It's kinda cool how some of the teenagers I'm around think that I'm like their cool older friend, but in another light-OH GOD! I'M THE COOL OLDER FRIEND, AND NOT THE TEENAGER!

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A GOOD QOUTE FROM GHOSTOFGOR .

"STUPIDITY SHOULD BE PAINFUL!"

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(excerpt from im chat with stoot. friend who still is tryin to have sex with me, or at least get some head)

NIKITRUBL: ok

NIKITRUBL: see we'd just start argueing and forget what we were doin anyways

Stoot: if you say so

NIKITRUBL: i'd try talkin dirty to ya, and you'd want to interrupt me to correct my grammar

Stoot: what would you say to me?

NIKITRUBL: it depends on how it was goin

NIKITRUBL: i dont have a "routine"

Stoot: good

Stoot: i hate predictabilty

NIKITRUBL: yeah me too

Stoot: but i'd like to feel your tongue on me

NIKITRUBL: on what part of you

Stoot: on my neck at first

Stoot: then down chest and stomach

NIKITRUBL: mmmm i like to kiss necks

NIKITRUBL: do you have any tats?

Stoot: no

NIKITRUBL: why not

Stoot: never thought about getting any

NIKITRUBL: guys with tats are hot

Stoot: sorry

NIKITRUBL: especially ones on their neck

Stoot: i see

NIKITRUBL: i luv to lick tattoos on necks

Stoot: i didn't get to tell you where else i'd like to feel your tongue

NIKITRUBL: oh

Stoot: yeah

NIKITRUBL: hey guess what, i went to legs, and this stripper tried kisisng me.

Stoot: nice

NIKITRUBL: i turned my head, so she purred in my ear

NIKITRUBL: then the stripper with little boobs, grabbed my shirt and looked down it.

NIKITRUBL: your not suppose to touch the stripeprs, but they had their hands all over me

NIKITRUBL: did i make ya mad?

Stoot: no

NIKITRUBL: well why did ya get quiet

NIKITRUBL: do i bore you

NIKITRUBL: am i not slutty enough for you?

slutty, slutty !

NIKITRUBL: did you find someone else that will actually talk dirty to you?

(stoot signed off) next -- previous DISCLAIMER