I have wanted to make an entry for days. I could not find private time for a minute, to sit down and purge all these emotions, or more like lack of, in my diary.

My find crystal and I have tlaked for like the first time in months. I was very honest with her about how I felt about her man chris. She seemed agreeable with everything I had to say about him, she really didnt' get mad.

The crazy thing is, 2 days later they broke up AGAIN! It happens everyyear at this time. They'll just get back together at christmas.

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I have really decided that I want nothing to do with my real mom, I hater her. The problem is, my sister Jeanette still deals with her. My *barf* mother, has custody of Jeanette's oldest son. When My sister and her husband come to visit this month, they will be with her, and I don't know If I am going to get to spend any time with them. I haven't seen her in two years, and she is very important to me.

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I'm gonna have to go and delete entries in my archives, because certain people now own a computer, and are telling me that they know my web Url and are going to read my diary. So, some things are gonna have to go. It's spring cleaning time anyways.

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Brenda is suppose to buy me a ticket to go see Matchbox 20, on May 16th! I am 23, and I have never been to a concert! I can't wait, and... OH! OH! Brenda is seeing, ( i dunno know if these means, dating fucking?) one of the chocolate milk guys! God, that's so crazy, but so cool! It would be cool if they became serious.

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Mark wahlberg's girfriend(?) is supposedly pregnant.

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Just when you want to commit suicide, some one hands you a knife.

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work is starting to suck. As much as I hate the WH, I miss my friends.

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My evil mother-in-law, made a visit for the weekend. All the visits do is remind me how much I hate them and my husband.

Nanny fanny fatty face( my husband's grandmother) tried to make my husband and I fight.

I was stuck being outnumbered by the three of them for a whole day in Hershey park. On top of that, it rained almost the whole time. Talk about being miserable. I had to stay stoned most of the time to keep my sanity.

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I had a lot of fun last night though. When we came home from herhsey, I went out with jason and celeste. Jason's work buddie, Pappi who is dominican, was throwing a anniversary/ slash birthday party, or something. There was an open bar and kegs of beer. It was in a catholic church's banquet hall(?)

It was a really cool party, that had amazing food. The music was awesome and this one girl had this amazing black dress and shoes. Even though I am half puerto rican/mexican, I feel so stupid, at functions like these, because I was never raised with any of the traditions and culture of my heritage. I feel like bleached bread. I feel so stupid when a latin guy comes up to me and asks me if I'm latin. Then, after I say yes, I always have to explain why I cna't speak spanish, why I can't fix certain foods, or I don't know about blah, blah, blah...

I have no sense of belonging anywhere, which leaves me feeling like my identity just keeps floating, lost in a black void.

After we left the party at midnight, I went with jason and celeste bak to their place, and we continued to drink antd talk, and bump, bump bump through the night.

I have so much more to talk about but I've gotta gor for now. hope to be back soon. next -- previous DISCLAIMER