Last night I got rid of the kids to go out and have some fun. Not to much happened though. It was Mrs. Rockwell's birthday, so I hung out with her and Jason. I got a little buzz, but beer is evil to me. Every time I drink it I just get sleepy and pass out. I wish I had some money. I hate bein broke because I can't do the stuff I wanna do. I like havin money and sharing it with my friends, and i can't stand to be the spongebob friend that is suckin up everyone else's funds. I feel lousy that it's one of my firends birthdays and I can't do shit for them. It just didn't help my recent self-esteem issues.

********************************

Driving home in a beer induced sleepy state, my mind wandered as I drove along the fog blanketed streets of hell hometown. I felt empty and that my existence has only mattered for the benefits of others. And yet if I dissapeared into the fog, no one would think to look for me.

********************************

So many things I would take back for some self-worth. So many things I want a refund on. I'd even take back every person I slept with. There are only a couple, but It was never about me. They didn't want to get closer to me, to love me and adore me. They wanted to use me. Even my husband (who was my first) in the beginning, it was more just to satisfy his carnal pleasures. I just had the equipment he needed. At first, it was never really about love, he had gotten that confused with lust. I know because when he was hurting me, he wasn't worried about stopping. Then there are those with their mask, that tell you lies to fuck you -because they fuck for sport. They don't want you, nor will they need you. They just want to say they had you.

I feel dirty and used like some fuckin heroin needle. And yet part of me is begging to be used again.

=**********************=

Hey you,

*Mr.* I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-your-name-is,

I'm drawn to you.

Something's magnetic here.

If I could approach you

or even get close to the scent

that you left behind, I'd be fine

No doubt now (no doubt)

you bring out (bring out)

the an-i-mal inside

I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive.....

I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive......

Hey you,

*Mr.* too-good-to-look-my-way

and that's cool you want nothing at all to do with me.

But I want you,

ain't nothing wrong with wanting you cause

I'm a *girl* and I can think what the hell I want,

you got that straight?

No doubt now (no doubt),

I'd love to (i'd love)

sniff on you now.

I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive.....

I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive......

I'm sorry. So sorry (damn, you're so hot!!)

Your beauty is so vain (damn you're so hot!!)

it drives me,yes it drives me (damn your so hot)

absolutely insane

I just want to look at you

I just want to look at you

I just want to look at you, I just want to look at you all day

There ain't nothing wrong, no. There aint nothing wrong with that.

Once you seep in (once u seep in)

under my skin (under my skin)

there's nothin' (nothin') there's nothin' (nothin')

in this world that could wash you away (wash you away)

Once you seep in (once u seep in)

under my skin (under my skin)

there's nothin' (nothin') there's nothin' (nothin')

in this world that could wash you away (wash you away)

I'm sorry. So sorry (damn, you're so hot!!)

Your beauty is so vain (damn you're so hot!!)

it drives me,yes it drives me(damn your so hot)

absolutely insane

I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive.....

I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive......

I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!

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