I have serious issues...

I live in a world created totally in my head, becuase I don't like my life. I can't even write in a diary, because in order to write about my life, I would have to think about, type it, and look at it. Thats just to much for me to deal with. I can't say what I've become, I won't accept it.

Instead, heres something I wrote a long time ago and never shared.

Sunlight never touches my world

so everything here dies

I've built my world with stones,

that have been thrown to stop my cries.

I own a dirty little secret

thats been eating my heart.

In my world the secret lives,

but this is not where it starts.

It's growing like a parasite

that's feeding on my soul

It will be eating me

long after it has grown cold.

Day and night it whispers in my ear

brainwashing me with lies

It tells my shame to turn it's back

and to cover my weepy eyes.

I don't share this secret alone,

It was a gift passed down.

It was thrust upon me,

provided by a demented clown.

My secret has odd wrappin

thats crumpled and brown.

It wants to burst out of it's tomb

so I have to keep stomping it down.

You can smell my dirty secret

it has a horrid stench.

It reeks of sweaty flesh,

known only to a wench.

You can touch my secret

and feel maggots on your skin.

It's trying to find a hole,

so It can crawl within.

Put your ear to it's box,

and what do you hear?

Only screams of torture

could own that kind of fear.

I'm scared I'll pass this secret on,

in it's rebirth will come anew,

Since I can't get rid of it

Tell me what do I do?

Only my secret and I know

the demented clown was you.

you thought you had killed it

but your sickness only grew.

The horror of its blackness

has you begging to forget.

I laugh when i hear you say

that I am something you regret.

My secret and I will always be

reminding you of your bad seed.

The sight of me will causes pain

Now die slow, and bleed.

Now i hide behind my wall

That I've built with these stones.

My secret keeps me company.

I WILL NEVER BE ALONE.

next -- previous DISCLAIMER