I got a crazy google hit-

drunk girl first time!

My pop bitch newsletter was really interesting this week:

"I take Xanax... but practically everybody does

that nowadays." - Courtney Love

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POPBITCH _ _ _ _

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|_| |_| 05.11.03 *ISSUE 187*

Free every week:

To subscribe, go to http://www.popbitch.com

and enter your email address.

* Happy finish for the monarchy?

* Paris Hilton does a Pammy

* Charts: Kylie is new number one.

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>> Sex Degrees of Prince Charles <<

Follow the sperm from father to son

Prince Charles was reluctantly married to...

Princess Diana, who had sex with...

Bryan Adams, who had it off with...

Tara-Palmer Tompkinson, who de-virginised...

...Prince William!

(FYI: Bryan Adams is rumoured to possess an

oversized wang)

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A Popbitch reader was in Malaysia last week and met

Diana's ex-boyfriend James Hewitt. His opening

comment to her was: "Can I snort coke off your arse?"

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>> Happy Finish for the Monarchy <<

Can't a Prince get relief these days?

Poor Prince Charles. That ghastly butler is

going around telling tales, and everyone says

that Burrell has other stories that will bring

down the Monarchy.

Surely they can't be referring to Charles

getting "happy finish" massages from his

valet? Charles is a product of Britain's

boarding school system, so it's only natural

that from time to time he'd ask the servants

to apply some spit and polish to his

crown jewels.

From The Observer earlier this year:

"An embarrassed St James's Palace official

suggested after the Burrell trial that Fawcett

was on leave. However, colleagues say he has

just been 'keeping his head down'."

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Sophie Ellis Bextor shows Norway her badger:

badger

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>> Paris does a Pammy <<

The luxurious Hilton interior: now on video

Having spent her childhood addicted to Beverley

Hills 90210, Paris Hilton got to live out her

"I'm a bigger bitch than Brenda" dreams by

stealing Shannon Doherty's husband Rick Solomon.

Their relationship was short but sweet. Perfect

gentleman Rick persuaded Paris to let him film

her playing with herself, riding him, and

finally finishing him off orally. The two share

some "sex talk", but nothing in the

Pammy/Tommy league. Throughout the ordeal, Paris

has her hair tied back as if she's doing housework.

The video tape is currently being auctioned, and

US tabloids should have pictures any day now.

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Jennifer Aniston hates toilet paper that unwinds

from the back of the roll.

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>> Bye-Bye Britney <<

She's not getting, like, respect

Britney has pulled out of her European tour

claiming "exhaustion", but actually she has

flounced home because the British media

isn't taking her seriously.

In Britney's addled mind, the fact that she

has staged a cheap lesbo stunt with Madonna

means that she is now a "serious artist".

(FYI Poor G.A.Y. They blew off Atomic Kitten

to accommodate Britney at last minute. Oops)

(FYI: Britney's single Me Against The Music is

only at no 38 in US after 3 weeks)

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The former drummer of Warrant is now a professional

portrait painter of pets in Los Angeles.

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>> Sexy Monkeyfucker <<

Mr Prince loves his Gorilla suit

Suz writes:

"When I was 12 I was the babysitter for Prince's

next door neighbor in Chanhassen, Minnesota.

One time as the kids and I played Hide and Seek,

we saw him outside his purple English Tudor home

running around in a gorilla suit.

"One of the girls, Bonnie, 8, just told me

matter-of-factly 'That's Mr. Prince, he always

does that'."

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Ex-Prince protege Tevin Campbell has started a new

career as a Cabaret artist called Nigel Hands.

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A four-year-old boy in Romania has got a plant

growing in his nose. He'd put a bean up his nostril

and it had germinated. (This story feels like it

should have a punchline, doesn't it?)

If you can still be arsed with Pop Idol:

simonsays

Boy George's gaydar profile:

gaydar

R KELLY Thoia Thong

Won a talent contest when young pretending to be

Stevie Wonder. R even pretended to be blind

* Swedish readers - does Brad Pitt really

mean "wide cock" in Swedish?

Old Jokes Home:

I bought a David Blaine doll yesterday...

But I couldn't get it out of the box.

Still Bored:

For paedos who missed the Charlotte Church one,

here's the Olsen Twins countdown:

countdown

next -- previous DISCLAIMER